I've always thought it a little selfish (and it probably isn't) when men think women's beauty is all about them. Sure, we use our beauty to impress men, but I don't think that's its primary purpose. We want to be beautiful, whether men think we are or not. We were created perfectly beautiful and it's etched into our hearts that beautiful is who we were meant to be. When a mildly-to-severely insecure woman tells her boyfriend "I'm ugly," she isn't saying "you probably don't love me" but "I fail at being who I'm supposed to be. I fail as a woman." The proper response, therefore, is not "I love you even if you're ugly" (i.e., "your failure is okay with me") but "That's utter nonsense. You are totally beautiful" (i.e., "you are not a failure"). If she is thinking that his love for her is riding on her beauty, this is only secondary -- and she is thinking him to be a very shallow man.
I tried to explain this to a male friend yesterday. Hoping to turn an example into an analogy, I asked what he does to impress women. It took him a long time to think of something, but finally he told me about dressing in a way that makes his body look better and not showing pain. I did my best to turn those into analogies, but it didn't work. I brought up strength--flex your biceps to attract women, but the primary purpose of strength is an ability to do things, right? That example didn't seem to sit right with him.
I know why, now. It was a bad question, not aimed appropriately. The correct answer to my question--what do men do to impress women?--was competition.
Elsewhere in the conversation, I tried to explain to him that second place isn't really any less attractive than first place, that there isn't really any difference between a 5:28 and a 5:30 mile. He told me it's ingrained in men's heads that second place is first loser. For some reason, irrelevant to how women see them, they want to be the strongest, the fastest, etc.
I didn't understand it until I made the connection with beauty. I think it's fair to say that men compete (strength, speed, intelligence, whatever it is) to attract women, but that attracting women isn't the primary reason for competing. Similarly, women make ourselves beautiful to attract men, but attracting men isn't the primary reason for our beauty.
I think that makes sense. I'll have to ask him about it.
That was so good I had to read it twice; where you were going definitely makes sense, but I'm sure you're learning that doesn't mean he'll understand. Good luck with his enlightenment :)
ReplyDeletethere was an old song that says.... "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, don't make a pretty woman your wife... so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you." anyways, that's what i thought of when i read this. mr. hope from donovan put me up on that... take it how you like it, but i believe that inner beauty is the best, but reality proves that outer beauty catches attention first. whatever, just be beautiful in God's eyes, and you'll be aight!
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