I recently discovered that two of my camp friends, whom we'll call P and T, don't like each other.
More accurately, T doesn't like P, and P merely requites the sentiment.
I asked T what the issue was, and he told me that he disagreed with P on some important things, specifically, how P treats women.
P has always treated me well, I told him.
That's because he knows he can't get inside your pants, he told me.
Was that really it?
Men are always thinking about sex, he told me, and with me, sex isn't even an issue. P doesn't look at me and think "how can I have sex with her?" because he knows he can't. He looks at me and thinks "friend."
Are a lot of men like that? I asked him.
They pretty much all are, he told me.
Do you see why I don't want to have sex until I'm married? I asked him.
In order to love anyone--sisters, parents, friends, a specific male--you have to make yourself vulnerable to them. It's like leaning against a wall--you are vulnerable to the wall falling over, but if you're smart, you only lean against walls that won't let you fall over. Likewise, you only make yourself emotionally vulnerable to people who won't toy with your emotions or take advantage of you. "I hate you" is much more bitter coming from a friend than from someone you don't know.
If you're going to have sex with someone, you make yourself pretty much as vulnerable as you possibly can. And if I'm going to make myself that vulnerable to a man, I want to make sure it's a man who has sexual self-control. Someone who looks at me and thinks "beautiful woman" or "friend" or "girlfriend" or "fiance" or "wife"--someone who doesn't look at me and think "sex." My sexuality is a very important part of me, but it's definitely not the only part of me. The only way he can see the rest of me is if he gets his mind away from sex. If he already knows that he isn't getting any, and if he's still hanging out with me, it means he isn't just looking for sex.
Amazing how much respect something as simple as chastity commands.
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